When Choice Feels Taken Away
I am here today to pour out something that will fester in my mind if I don’t.
Today I listened to two YouTube stories that portrayed absolute disrespect toward Black women, specifically. It bothered me deeply, and I was asked to explore why.
First, it is important to say that I hate that women of all cultures are treated as lesser beings than men. In particular, Black women are often treated the worst, almost as if we are a subspecies. It is unfair, inaccurate, hurtful, and unnecessary. I believe much of it stems from insecurity. People portray Black women as inferior so they can feel better about themselves. So much of the chaos and hate in this world comes from insecure, hateful, ignorant, arrogant people doing despicable things to make themselves seem bigger or better than they are.
The first story was about a wealthy Caucasian man who married a Black woman because he fell in love with her beautiful mind. She was the foundation of his business while he was the face of it, and she was okay with that. He overlooked her contributions and took her for granted. As he rose, he decided he needed to “trade up,” so he left her for a Caucasian woman who “fit his world,” despite her inability to understand or contribute to his business. In the end, the Black woman flourished despite his attempt to destroy her, but for me, that was not the point. The point was this: why did he believe he needed to trade his Black wife for someone he deemed more culturally acceptable in wealthy circles, while ignoring all she had done for him?
The second story involved a wealthy Korean man who decided a Black waitress was nothing, a sub-being somehow lower than the dirt beneath his shoe. He said, “Look at this cow, her hips and butt. People like her are only good for cleaning up after me and bending over.” I understand that the writer is the actual problem here, but where does this kind of language come from? This was more than classism. It was a direct attempt to belittle a specific group of people. In other Asian-based stories, Black women are referred to as ignorant pets or exotic toys, and it truly pisses me off. I also despise the recurring theme in some stories where the Black woman is discarded for the Asian woman who is deemed more culturally acceptable. Why are Black women so often treated as if they are not enough in any category?
So why do I still listen to these YouTube stories? The truth is, most of them do not contain defamatory subtext about Black women, and many of them are truly beautiful love stories. I enjoy them. Today, for some reason, was the day I stumbled upon the undesirable ones because I thought it would be nice to explore other channels. Today was simply a day when my mind was ready for battle. I felt it when I first awakened this morning.
So why does it bother me? That is what my Soul asked me to explore. What answer has surfaced? I think it is because I know there is truth in some of these stories when it comes to how many men in this world view Black women: good enough for sex, but not much else. There is also this ugly assumption that Black women are less intelligent than other women. And all of that makes me feel like doors are closing for me.
But why?
I’ve had three relationships, all with Black men, despite being open to dating men of all cultural backgrounds. To be honest, Black men have not regarded me in an admirable manner, and that is the softest way I can say it. I had hoped I might find love with a man from a different cultural background. At this time, however, I am ready to give up, because I will never, ever be disrespected by another human being. Never. I will not date someone who cares for me while their family believes I am not good enough, not light enough, or worthy of any other foolish notion they choose to create.
I do realize there are many intercultural couples thriving, loving each other completely, with families who support their relationship, and that is beautiful. Still, the derogatory, fabricated beliefs about Black women diminish the pool of potential life partners, and that is the part that disheartens me. Black women are torn down by each other, by women of other cultures, and by men of all cultures. And no, that is not the same as saying all men of every culture, so don’t come for me!
Well, that is it. That is all I came up with for the frustration and disappointment I have been feeling today.
I am a person who values, and absolutely requires, access to choices. Without choices, I feel trapped, enraged, and sometimes reckless, depending on the circumstances. Today’s anger stems from feeling like someone or something has taken choices away from me without reason, without discussion. Part of me wants to find the source and burn it to ash. Instead, I am trying to accept what is, and even that makes me want to walk away from it all without looking back.
~ SereneSassySoul ~
